Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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