I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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