Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
