I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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