Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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