you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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