Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
