that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
