apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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