Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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