it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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