I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
