we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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