was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
