Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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