found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
