Who wears a wallet chain?!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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