don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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