Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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