there's paper in my vomit.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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