Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
