the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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