he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
