So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
