she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
