happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
