This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
