you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
