even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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