im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
