help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
