Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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