Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
