we're blogging at a bar
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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