I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
