Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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