weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
