More tranny stories later!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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