Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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