can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
