But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
