bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
