Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
