is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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