Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
