Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
