woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
