i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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