i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
