Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
