I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
