What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
