Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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