so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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