I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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