my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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