another moral hangover. fuck.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
