I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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