a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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