i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
