Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
