An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
