I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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