i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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