no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
