I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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