Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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