Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
