Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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