could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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