as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
