ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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