She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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