i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
