Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
smell my finger.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
