Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
