ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
