She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
