yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
