she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
