she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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