I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
