everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
